would you like some snake oil with that sir?

My regular postman [person?] knows that my monthly box of contact lenses goes through my letter box, but when it arrived on his day off the temp guy took it back to the Post Office - leaving a card saying what he had done. So I went online and selected another day for it to be delivered [very efficient use of the web]. Sadly, it didn't turn up, so I completed the relevant 'missing parcel' form online. To cut this already boring story short, the box arrived eventually - but the following is the final email from the 'Escalated Customer Resolution Team' [escalated ... do they all arrive in the office on a moving staircase?]

 Dear Mr Charlesworth

Thank you for your further contact with Royal Mail.

May I offer my sincere apologies for the concern and inconvenience that this matter has caused.  I fully appreciate how important it is for our customers to have confidence in our ability to redeliver mail when requested and it is always disappointing when a customer expresses dissatisfaction with any aspect of our service.

On receipt of your email I contacted the Manager of your local Delivery Office asking for a report into this matter. 

I have been advised that the item had been located at callers' office in Mary Street for redelivery.  This I was advised was taking place on Saturday 1 October and I’m please to learn from your further email that the item has now been received. 

In closing, I would like to give you my assurance that we at Royal Mail are not complacent about such failures in our service, and we are constantly striving to ensure that you receive the level of service you have every right to expect. I hope your future dealings with us are of a more positive nature.

I trust you will be satisfied with my response.  However if you remain unhappy you can have your case reviewed by the Postal Review Panel.  The Panel will take a new look at your complaint and will provide you with a final response on behalf of Royal Mail.  They can be contacted by emailing:

postalreview@royalmail.com

or by writing to: FREEPOST Postal Review Panel.

Regards

**** *******
Escalated Customer Resolution Team

In my book [page 103], I say that website content should never be 'self-serving' - well this moves into being sycophantic. OK, I know this is in an email, but the same applies. As I suggest in the title of this entry,  this has the ring of a snake oil salesman about it.  A simply; 'sorry, we got it wrong but it out sorted it out in the end' would have meant much more to me.